I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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