Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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