so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
