new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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