An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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