i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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