I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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