I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
