My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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