hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
