they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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