I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
