I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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