do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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