just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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