so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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