Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize