Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
