Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
