I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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