lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
