made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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