Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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