:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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