Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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