I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
