If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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