In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
