awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've blown a few things in my day
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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