I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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