the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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