Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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