I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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