She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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