watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
