i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
