Whod you bang
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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