He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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