Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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