Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
