I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
