So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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