Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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