There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
