I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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