I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
