You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
