I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
