he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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