Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
