Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize