I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When are your genitals available?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
