someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
