u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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