Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
