When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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