i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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