I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
