all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
