just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
