Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
