someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
