I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
