he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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