Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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