they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
