This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
