your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
