im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
