question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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