don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
