last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
