the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
