I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
