I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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