I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
