Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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