my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
