Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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