if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
