I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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