I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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