I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
