i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
