I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
